well, it's been a while. i had kinda decided to wait a year before posting again, but i'm in the mood, so figured, what the hell. i'm kind of stuck in this place right now where i'm not sure where i belong. i guess it all goes back to the fact that as a kid i moved around alot, and i got used to change, and i liked it. i've lived in cedarville for about 5 1/2 years now and i guess i'm just itching for change again. the fact that i'm not cut out to live in a small town doesn't really help much. i've felt claustrophobic living here before, but never like this. i'm tired of this town. i'm tired of this school. i'm tired of this routine. i guess mostly i'm just tired. i want change, something new, something unfamiliar. i've been trying to stay busy. business helps me to forget about my life and be content. but i feel worn out. i read philippians 4:11 to 13 over and over again. i write it on 3x5 cards and tape them all over the place. i keep reminding myself that this is where God has me for now and i need to be content. i pray that God would give me patience and help me to be content often. but still i have this sinking feeling in my chest, this desire to get away so that i can breathe again. sometimes i wish that God would bring something into my life that would make we want to stay here, or at least to make the waiting a little more bearable. i'm not sure what that would be exactly... a boyfriend, maybe an internship or job... doesn't matter what it is, just something to give me a reason to stay. but then other times i think to myself how glad i am that i don't have someone or something to keep me here. all in all, i am restless, and feel excruciatingly far from the place of contentment where i need to be. "...for i have learned in whatever situation i am to be content. i know how to be brought low, and i know how to abound. in any and every circumstance, i have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. i can do all things through him who strengthens me." | 
